The Only Game To Play This Christmas Is Toasterball

It’s almost Christmas, which means a lot of us are going to get some much-needed time off. Some people need the time off more than others. For me, time off is another reminder of the emptiness of my life and the barren nature of my existence. But also I’m constantly tired of working so there’s really no solution to the gulf that exists where my soul should be.


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Anyway, part of the whole kit and kaboodle of the holidays is seeing family, friends, and the shadows of what you could’ve been if you tried harder. And since two of the three of those involve hanging out with people, you might be in need of a local multiplayer game to keep everyone happy with some good old fashioned fun. Well, have I got the thing for you: Toasterball.

Toasterball math red and blue toaster

Okay, this came out on Steam earlier in the year but more recently popped up on Switch. Let me sell you on the important parts. One, it’s only $10. That’s not even the sale price. That’s just the regular price. Ten bucks. Half of you spend more money than that on digital costumes for fictional characters. The other half of you don’t spend that much and therefore have $10, which means you can afford Toasterball. Check and mate. Here’s the premise of Toasterball: You’re a toaster and you shoot slices of bread to block shots and try to get the ball past the other toaster’s goal. You use the shoulder buttons to launch said baked goods.

That’s right – you really only use two buttons when competing. But it gets trickier than that because the bread usually doesn’t land back in the toaster – you have to pick it up. And you do not get more. In fact, it’s often (but not always) two slices to a side, so you might even need to share if you’re doing a 2-on-2 match. Plus, the motion of ejecting bread moves the toaster itself, which can flop you right on your little metal belly. You can even make the toaster jump by using both launch buttons at the same time, which was fun when I figured that out.

Toasterball menu screen

The game throws in a bunch of curves along the way including portals and a Pong-style level. Which makes complete sense since this is basically the Bread Pong. They’re all silly and meant to be completely stupid, which is my favorite part of any multiplayer game. If you’re the type of person who needs hours of depth and practice to enjoy competing against your fellow player in a military simulator dominated by screaming children, this ain’t it. If you’re a normal human being who just wants to see a piece of bread knock a ball past a toaster that just fell over, then this is in fact it.

I know this game has been out for a bit, but God I love it. Toasterball isn’t trying to be anything other than Toasterball. When you see the words “Toasterball” you know what you’re getting. A toaster plus a ball. And, honey, that Brave Little Toaster is heading for a City of Light. The game costs next to nothing, tells you exactly what it is, and – the actual important thing – is a fun, interesting local multiplayer game. People lose their minds at weird goals and saves. If you can imagine a much simpler Rocket League, you’re pretty much there. But with toast.

Toasterball playing screen with two toasters

Of course, it’s not like Toasterball is the only game that focuses on one specific thing and does it well. Nor is it the only couch multiplayer game with a twist on Pong. Windjammers would like a word. But this game is just a straight up good time. It almost reminds me of old Atari and NES games that basically did one thing and one thing only – but were designed to just be played immediately. It’s so much fun and it requires absolutely no commitment. Maybe you’re bad at it instantly. Maybe you’re good at it instantly. It doesn’t matter because you’re literally launching bread with a toaster oven, folks.

I’m late to the game on Toasterball. Also, this year was packed with wildly great games. But I’m genuinely thrilled I have an easy, stupid, completely fast multiplayer game that I can put in front of my jobbernowl, potato brain family. For the love of everything that’s holy: It’s only $10. If someone can make whatever the hell Pickleball is a thing, we can all make Toasterball a thing.

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